I really do want to be one of those people that write down their life's story to share with others. Not that I think I am particularly inspiring, but because I want to have something to show for all the lessons I learn after each bump in the road. So instead of trying to recap, which at this point seems impossible, I am going to start from today and move forward.
I feel like I woke up a couple of days ago from a long slumber. I have spent a lot of time in the last couple years just trying to make it from day to day. I thought what I was doing was a positive way to deal with what seemed like an unreasonable amount of stress and business. Really, I made excuses for my shortcomings and refused to face the facts of life. I realized I had become comfortable. The idea of discomfort was not only discouraged, it was avoided at all costs. This resulted in a life of survival of the unfittest. Don't ask me to exercise, eat healthy, or try to lose weight. Don't dare breath a word of changing my routine, or considering a different lifestyle. Also, don't you dare point out the reason I am unhappy has to do with my daily routine of laziness and comfort. If my life is supposed to change I will get a sign. So, my doctor diagnosed me with high blood pressure, a heart murmur, and insulin resistance. That isn't my fault. I am a trying to get my husband graduated, and further my career. These are normal consequences of this time of my life, Right? Then I work with my doctor on infertility, and she does all she can do and then says I am too high risk and need to go to a specialist. She is giving up on me, Right? None of these things are due to my Morbid Obesity and general unwillingness to do one healthy thing in my current schedule. So as I pondered cleaning my house, and realized that it would be difficult for me since I am so out of shape, and I have back and knee problems due to my size, I come to the conclusion: This is not normal behavior for a 28 year old. I was shopping online for some new clothes and can't find anything cute or age appropriate because my size has gone beyond normal clothes sizes. Even for plus size girls. Then I think about my family reunion this summer and having to go swimming - that means a bathing suit - NO WAY. Then it hits me. I could change all of this. I don't have to be this person. I could choose to be uncomfortable.
I was listening to some music online when I ran across this song, and it describes how I feel completely:
A Life Uncommon by Jewel
And lend your voices only
To sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength
To that which you wish
To be free from
Fill your lives
With love and bravery
And you shall lead
A life uncommon
I’ve heard your anguish
I’ve heard your hearts cry out
We are tired, we are weary
But we aren’t worn out
Set down your chains
Until only faith remains
Set down your chains
There are plenty of people
Who pray for peace
But if praying were enough
It would’ve come to be
Let your words enslave no one
And the heavens will hush themselves
To hear our voices ring our clear
With sounds of freedom
Sounds of freedom
Come on you unbelievers
Move out of the way
There is a new army coming
And we are armed with faith
To live, we must give
To live
And lend our voices only
To sounds of freedom
No longer lend our strength
To that which we wish
To be free from
Fill your lives
With love and bravery
And we shall lead
A life uncommon
Today I am pledging to live a life uncommon. There are many things I need to change to be able to achieve this. This will not be an easy or a quick thing. This will take time. This will take effort. This will be uncomfortable.
