The last week I have been doing some thinking about pregnancy. I have several friends who are expecting and sharing their woes. It is easy to get caught up in the cries of swollen ankles, morning sickness, hormones, headaches that cannot be healed through medicine, heartburn, etc. The list really goes on an on. I had a friend post the question on Facebook, "What was/is your biggest issue during pregnancy." This really got me thinking. What is my biggest issue with pregnancy?
I first considered the time I thought I was miscarrying. I have never been so scared in my life. I had spent so much time wondering if I was ready for this little miracle, that I didn't realize how attached and how much I was truly in love. I didn't want to lose my baby. Through tears and worry I cried to my Father in Heaven pleading with Him that everything would be okay. When the doctor confirmed there was no immediate danger to the baby I was overjoyed and knew that this little one was already a part of my life and family. I would do everything I could to be the best mommy I can.
Next I considered morning sickness and the allergies that caused ridiculous headaches that I could not take anything helpful to find relief. I hate throwing up. I hate it. In fact I would say it is one of the worst things in the world. Especially since when I puke my face often will swell, and blood vessels burst around my eyes and face which leaves me looking like the loch ness monster or worse. Also the headaches from my allergies left me unable to sleep and kept me in a state of total discomfort and distress. I think that was mostly due to my hormones and lack of appropriate coping skills.
Finally I considered the exhaustion. Never in my whole life have I been so tired. I can sleep for hours and still feel exhausted in the morning. This may have something to do with waking up all night to go to the bathroom.
Then I realized what the biggest issue I have ever faced regarding pregnancy. It was waiting 6 years to get pregnant. The truth is that I may not always feel great, but then I feel her little kicks and all discomfort seems unimportant. So what if I am tired, I can feel her little hiccups and I know that there is life inside of me. So I have puked more in the last 6 months than I probably have in my whole life, I have been able to hear her heartbeat and see her move in an ultrasound. The truth is no problem that I have faced in pregnancy that is worse that wishing, hoping, praying, and waiting for this time in my life. I may not always be gracious about how I am feeling, but I always come back to how blessed I am. I do not know why Beau and I had to wait so long. Maybe I never will, but I do know that I have experienced no greater joy than what I have had during these last 6 months. The look on Beau's face when I told him that the test was positive, and that he was going to be a daddy. The ultrasound that confirmed the life inside of me was growing and had a heartbeat. When we could really see her outline and found out our little one was a princess. Sharing an ultrasound visit with my mom and dad where they were able to hear her heartbeat and see her move around. The look on Beau's face the first time he heard her move around in my belly, or saw and felt her kick. Being able to share with family and friends that we are expecting. So many moments of pure bliss make every other slightly uncomfortable part of pregnancy seem insignificant and unimportant.
I would not trade one moment - good or bad. This has been such a choice experience, and I feel so blessed to be carrying this little one.
