Party! Party! Party!

Yesterday was a day of parties.  We had a Pizza party and potluck at work, and then my church had a chili cook off and trunk or treat.  Let's just say yesterday was a hard day.  Oh Halloween, why must you be a day all about candy?

For the potluck I had planned on making a fresh fruit salad.  This way I would be sure to have something healthy.  The night before turned into a long night, and before I knew it I was at Safeway buying cookies for the Potluck.  First fail!  I also bought Halloween candy for the trunk or treat.  I did pick out candy I do not like (a variety of toostie roll this and that), so I would be able to resist the temptation.  I left both items in the car overnight, so they wouldn't be in the house to tempt me.  I will count that as a win - I did plan well on the candy.  Then in the morning I did not leave myself enough time to make breakfast, and decided to go grab something when I got to work.  When I got to work I went to the deli across the street and they had a breakfast scramble that had eggs, milk, veggies, and cheese, so I went with that (they didn't add any butter or anything so it was a safer option) and went about my day.  My next fail occurred when I realized I could smell those delicious cookies.  I moved them away from me, so I wouldn't be tempted.  But my ability to say no was starting to fall.  By the time lunch rolled around I was very hungry thinking of pizza and cookies and cakes.  Oy!  So, I decided that I would try to be careful and eat small portions.  I had one deviled egg, one piece of pizza, one mini (cupcake size) pumpkin pie, and a very small amount of pork and pumpkin stew.  I was feeling okay with the fact I didn't go crazy, until I realized that what I ate was a lot worse than I realized initially.  I was disappointed in myself.  But I brushed it off, and told myself that I would finish the day off right.  When I got home from work all of the crap I had eaten hadn't really filled me, so I ate a snack (it was a small Skinny Cow ice cream bar - probably not the best choice but it was easy to grab).  Then I went to the chili cook off and trunk or treat.  There was chili, corn bread, and too many desserts.  I was overwhelmed unsure what to allow myself to eat because my resolve was failing me.  So, I didn't eat anything.  I left, gave my candy to another person to pass out, and went to Subway to buy a sandwich.  I finished the day off strong.  I am still disappointed in myself.  In fact several times last night I just wanted to cry.  I thought I was stronger than this.

Now is time for a little reflection.  I did pretty good for my first holiday.  I didn't lose it.  I maintained control and accounted for every item to enter my mouth.  I also left when I realized I wasn't strong enough to make a good decision.  I recognized my failing resolve.  I forgot how easy it is to get caught up in socializing and eating whatever is in front of you.  I had a hard time not looking at all the yumminess and not partaking.  If I would have made a fruit salad like I had intended, would things have gone better?  Would the potluck not have seemed so hard because I would have had something I could have eaten without worry?  Would my resolve have been stronger when I went to the chili cook off?  I think it is prudent to point out that I was an addict stuck smack dab right in the middle of an addicts dream.  I was surrounded by the things that I normally would gorge myself on.  The hard thing is I still want to be social, and be a part of the party.  Food is going to typically be involved when people gather, so I can't avoid it completely.  I need to find a better way to handle those types of situations.  The next big test will come on Thanksgiving.  I think I will count Halloween as a trial run, and learn from my experiences.  I have a month to find some healthy recipes to bring to the table, so I don't run into this problem again - at least not so unprepared.

I got to see my employee pictures yesterday.  They are awful!  My boss looked at them and asked why I wasn't smiling?  She said for a person who is always laughing and smiling I should have smiled more.  She is right.  I was uncomfortable with having my picture taken and it shows.  Oh well.  Next employee picture day I will be sure to plaster that smile on my face.  Life is good.  Trials and struggles may discourage me from time to time, but I have much to be grateful for.  I will smile.