Begin at the Beginning... Again

There is something so disappointing about returning to where you started or worse.  About 3 years ago I started a journey that successfully helped me lose weight, and gain so much more insight about myself, my value and self worth, physical capabilities, and ultimately allowed my body to carry my first child into the world.  I looked at my work and felt so much pride in my accomplishments.  And then ... I ate.

The details of my day to day life were overwhelmed with pick ups and drop offs from daycare, increasing Portland traffic, and a baby to care for when I wasn't at work.  I was exhausted to say the least.  Also, my marriage was struggling - as many do after the birth of a child.  Beau and I had been married for 7 years before our little one joined our family.  We had established a routine and a rhythm to our life together.  Suddenly our schedules revolved around feedings (I nursed and pumped exclusively), naps, diapers, and play time.  While we were so happy to have our daughter, the struggle was real.   I felt like a bad wife and mother to not be able to balance all of the things I was responsible for... so I ate.

I tried to lose weight and return to Weight Watchers 6 weeks after Johanna was born, but I just couldn't seem to get it right, and ultimately ended up cancelling.  I figured I needed to get my head in the game and be ready to make the commitment to take care of myself again.

In the last several months I have had the opportunity to work from home/or bring my daughter with me to work.  This has been an immense blessing that has removed some of the stresses of my day.  I get to be with her all the time.  Since I have been able to be with her all of the time I have noticed just how slow and out of shape I am.  I cannot keep up with her.  My greatest fear is her running out into the street and me not being fast enough to get her in time.  I also realize that she needs a sibling, and we would like our family to expand again.  There is no hope of this happening if some changes are not made.  So.  I have been trying to put my head in the game and get ready for this difficult journey once again.  I know it will be difficult, and sometimes seem impossible, but I can do this.

Yesterday I had to chase a runaway pet down the road.  I haven't run in literally years.  It was embarrassing how slow and jiggly my body is.  But even still as I ran picture slow jogging), I realized that I could work hard and possibly run one day.  I could work up to a 5k.  I could get healthy so that I can run with my daughter, and teach her how to live so she can be healthy.

So I make my first big step by going to my first meeting in over 18 months to Weight Watchers.  I am going to the group local to my home now, so it will be a new leader, and new people in a new building.  But I am going to do it.  I will be strong,  and I will succeed.

Some thoughts as I move forward...