Leaving on a Jet Plane

I made it through my first weekend.  Weekends are always the most difficult for me to eat healthy because a doughnut or french toast is a nice reward for surviving the week.  Going out to eat Friday night with my hubby is fun, and even better if it includes a huge bowl of buttery movie theater popcorn! I have been giving some thought to what my idea of a reward system truly is. 

I have had this internal debate going back in forth in my mind for a while.  It goes something like this... Some people can eat whatever they want (cookies, cake, ice cream, etc.) and never experience weight problems and yet some people (like me) cannot eat whatever they want whenever they want.  So the food itself isn't the entire problem, right?  People a hundred years ago could eat all the baked goods and food they could stomach, and they didn't have the obesity issues we have today.  What is the difference?  Why can't I just eat what sounds best to me?  Then I had this realization.  Growing up I was always the chubby one.  The overweight one.  The fat kid.  So, in an effort to help me, my doctors and parents encouraged me to alter my eating habits in order to lose weight and become healthier.  Other children my age did not have to eat less, or change their diet and they were still thin and healthy looking.  Now, 20+ years later I see many of those "healthy" kids struggling with weight or other health issues.  Which makes me wonder, if even though they could eat what they wanted did it still impact their bodies over the long haul.  Do our metabolisms change purely due to age, or do our systems get tired of processing crap?  Then the thought occurred to me that people back 100 years ago did not live as long as we do.  Yes, we have penicillin and other drugs to prolong life and ward off illness, but could their diets have also contributed to their shorter life span?  Is there more to a persons diet than meets the eye, or has been proven by science?  Obviously many studies have been done to study the human diet, but considering there are so many "Kings of Diet and Weight Loss" I feel fairly certain that not all "experts" agree on what makes us healthy.  Not completely.  I know.  I am babbling, but the reason I bring this up is I have felt like it just isn't right that I cannot reward myself with a nice piece of cake at the end of a long day or hard week.  But maybe no one should really be rewarding themselves with cake either.  At least not on a regular basis.  I have been lying to myself.  I have been trying to convince myself that rewarding myself with food is not only allowed, but completely justifiable.  There, the lie is out there.  I also feel slighted that I am actually a decent baker, but cannot eat of the fruits of that labor without hurting myself.  But what if the true lie is that food was never meant to be a reward system.  When you look at food strictly as fuel does that change the way you would want to eat?  Does this make sense to anyone else?  Am I crazy?

Okay, now that I have completely confused everyone, I will move on.

I am looking for a better way to reward myself for surviving a long day or a job well done.  Cause ice cream isn't going to work anymore.  I have considered buying clothes as I reach goals, or fun gadgets that I have been eying.  What about working toward a vacation?  What really motivates me?  Because the lie that food does is just superficial.  Are rewards in and of themselves superficial?

I leave this evening to go and celebrate the life of my Grandpa.  Beau and I are flying to Utah to to remember the life of this wonderful man.  I smile a little inside because I will be riding First Class (I was upgraded!!) while Beau is stuck back in Coach...hehe  I am a little nervous about leaving home so close to the beginning of this change.  I will not be on my own schedule and eating from my own fridge.  I will have my greatest supporter with me to remind me to reign it in if I get sidetracked, but this kind of trip has been the death of me and my efforts to become healthier in the past.  I will also be celebrating my 6th wedding anniversary this next weekend.  I have spent some time thinking about how to make sure I am successful.  This goes back to what I was talking about above, have I regarded traveling incorrectly before which has allowed me to justify eating poorly when I am away from home?  Lets be honest, I have.  Just because I am away from home doesn't mean I need to hurt myself and sabotage my efforts.  Now I will tell you that I will not be eating quite the same as I do at home (I am not going to be that person that drives everyone crazy because of their dietary needs) , but I will pay close attention to portions and what makes it to my plate.  I weighed myself this morning (down another pound - 13 pounds gone total!!), and will check where I am at when I get home.  I will let you know where I am.  I will be brutally honest.