Starving

Starving is such an interesting word.  I think most would think of orphans in a third world country when that word comes to mind.  It is a little different for me.  Yesterday I decided to continue on my path and do better than the day before.  I have learned from a few mistakes on day 1, and proceeded to day 2.  The eating plan I am on allows for snacks throughout the day, so I did not feel any hunger pangs until about 8:30 PM last night.  All I could think about is I'm starving.  I looked at my food journal for the day (I am using MyFitnessPal and it is so easy to use on the computer, phone, tablet!) and realized I had eaten plenty.  I was not starving.  My mind wanted an evening treat.  You know that reward for making it through the day.  I could justify it too.  I have a very sick relative who will pass from this life any day.  I was given the opportunity to Skype with them and tell them "I love you" one last time.  The emotional toll of this event is still presenting itself today.  When I am sad I turn to rich creamy ice cream.  The starving person inside of me told me that everything would be okay if I just had a little ice cream.  We have frozen fudge bars in the freezer, and even the quick substitute of cool whip.  I have things right at my disposal (it may be time to clean out a bit...), but the truth of the matter is no amount of ice cream is going to fix the hurt I feel at the soon passing of this dear loved one.  I was really impressed with Beau because the day before I started my journey I told him that I couldn't do it - who starts a diet when so much sadness is present.  He told me that my dear loved one would want me to do what will make me a better me, and to not put this on hold.  Beau doesn't even really support the supplements I am taking right now, but still had that wisdom to help me realize that I need to make a change for me.  To make my life better.  My loved one would want that too.  I really married an awesome guy!

We had the Mormon Sister Missionaries over last night, and I made Taco Salad.  I served Taco Salad without sour cream (which seems like a cardinal sin...lol).  I offered the sisters flour tortillas to make their own tacos (Beau was grateful for this as well) instead of a salad if they preferred.  I had cheese on the table, but I didn't have any.  I was so grateful that I spent Tuesday evening prepping veggies.  Putting together the salad was a cinch.  I even made some homemade Pico de Gallo with tomatillos and tomatoes.  As I ate the salad I didn't miss the cheese at all.  I missed the sour cream, but I added some avocado which helped fulfill my need for creamy on my salad.  So I have overcome the dreaded - what do I do when guests come over and I am eating this way, feeling.  I didn't make a dessert, but I served pineapple with dinner so I felt my obligation for something sweet was fulfilled.  I drank water, but served Pink Lemonade.  I don't know that anyone noticed I was doing anything different, but I did. I knew that I was making the choice to put me first. 

I stepped on the scale this morning. I know 2 days into a lifestyle change is probably too soon to see any changes, but I did.  I have lost 6 pounds.  Don't worry this is pretty normal for me. I had someone tell me it has to do with my size.  I always lose a bit faster the first little bit of a change, and then things taper off to about 2-3 pounds a week.  I was so excited to see improvement.  I will probably wait another week before stepping on the scale again, but it was so exciting to see that the effort I was putting forth was helping!

Today is a new day full of possibility.  Hello world!  Let's do this!