Chauffeuring

Today I had the unique opportunity to take a few hours out of my work day and drive Beau to a doctors appointment.  I spent a lot of time in the car driving to the doctors, driving home to get Beau's work clothes, driving Beau to work, and then driving home.  During this time I did some thinking.  The first thing I have decided is that I do not like being a Chauffeur.  The rest is useful information, I think.

I thought again about my instincts when I feel hungry.  This had everything to do with skipping breakfast today.  My tummy was growling.  My first thought whenever it is time to eat something is always directed to high fat, deep fried, fast food, or an equally unhealthy option.  I really felt like a failure as these thoughts started flooding my brain.  I have been changing my habits and eating patterns for over a month now.  Why does my brain still make the quick conclusion that it wants something that will not only be unsatisfying, but most detrimental to my body and journey?  Then some thoughts came into my head: "Rome wasn't built in a day."  "You have thought the same way for years, one month is not going to fix years of stinking thinking."  So there was my first realization.  I am not doing things wrong just because I keep wanting the food I have given up.  I just need to continue to correct those thoughts when they enter my mind.  With practice I believe the correct thoughts will take the dominant place in thinking.

I received my lunch bag in the mail yesterday.  For anyone that knows me well will understand why I chose it.  It is so me.  You will now experience virtual show and tell...lol :)
I almost want to pack a lunch for Monday right now.  I know I am in elementary school again trying out my new lunch bag.  I love it!  Ironically though I always wanted to buy lunch in elementary school.  Sorry Mom, maybe if I had had this beauty. just kidding!

I got up this morning and got ready for the day including doing my hair and putting on real clothes not yoga pants.  Even as I type this blog I feel better about myself.  I am not so frumpy.  If Izzie needs to go outside I won't have to be embarrassed.  I still need a little practice in perfecting my new "do" but all in all it feels great to have actually gotten dressed today.  I am moving in the right direction.

Someone told me a couple of days ago they could tell I had lost some weight, to which I replied "I can't."  She said well you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and I don't.  I told Beau to which he promptly replied, "I see you everyday, too."  To which made me smile a bit.  He was nervous that he would offend me that he couldn't see a change yet. 

I think that for a not as obese person as me 4 weeks would be enough for me to see a change.  I feel a change though.  My pants are not quite so snug, and my clothes in general feel just a little bit better.  My water retention has gone way,way down which I can see and love.  Definition in ankles is a beautiful thing.  My wedding ring fits a little nicer, and I don't feel like I am cutting of the circulation to my finger when I wear it.  I also don't feel so lethargic anymore.  I used to get done with my work day and just crash.  I have a little more pep in my step and can stay up later than I used to.  I still don't love getting up in the morning, but I don't think any amount of weight loss is going to change that.  I love to sleep in, until about 7 or 8 am. 

I told Beau that I want to go to my favorite clothing store when I can fit into their clothes again and buy a brand new outfit.  He looked at me as said, "Well it won't be long now."  I said, "I know!!"  I just want to be able to walk into my favorite store and buy the clothes that make me feel beautiful.  They will still be plus sized, but at least I won't have to buy all my clothes online.  I could walk into a normal store and buy trendy. fun clothes that make me feel good.  Honestly, I don't even know where to shop for clothes if you are not shopping for plus size.  I have been shopping for plus size as long as I can remember.  It was kind of funny when I was in Utah a few weeks ago, we needed to get my sister a skirt to wear to the funeral.  She was going from store to store in the mall, and each store had her size.  She apologized for being indecisive.  I told her I didn't mind, I just didn't really understand why someone would go from store to store.  I have always been so limited in what I could buy that a trip to buy clothes typically consisted of stopping in the one or two stores that carried my size and moving on.  There are definitely more plus size offerings now then there were when I was in high school, but lets me honest - the best selection is available to those that are a bit healthier than me.  While right now that kind of stinks, I will eat it up when I am able to shop in each of those stores. Soon!