Work in Progress

Monday was an anxiety riddled day as I built myself up for my first WW meeting.  I was so grateful I bought my pass early as it didn't really let me make excuses as to why I couldn't go.  It wasn't that I was having second thoughts on my decision.  I wasn't.  WW is the right move for me.  I was nervous to walk into a new place with new people.  I walked in, completed my registration paperwork, and took my seat.  The worst part was over.  Everyone was really friendly.  I was one of the younger people in the room which was a little weird.  Looking around most people looked to be twice my age.  I wondered what they would have in common with me.  Oh yeah, they need to live a more healthy lifestyle and they chose WW to help them.  As I sat waiting I saw a familiar face walk in the room.  A friend from church.  She was signing up the same night as me.  I was so excited to have a friend.  The meeting went as most WW meetings go.  Ironically the topic was change.  Why do we change?  Is change hard?  I thought, "You should see my blog. You are preaching to the choir."  Change is extremely hard at times.  Especially when it comes to the way you live.  Why do we change, well that one was easy too - to improve our situation.  I was grateful my first meeting is behind me.  I can move past it and look to many more inspiring meetings to come.

Changing my eating to follow WW has not been too hard considering I was already watching what I was eating before.  I just count points instead of calories.  I feel like things are moving in the right direction.  I still have my moments where I really want something bad, and a lot of it.  I am trying to work to figure that out.  On Tuesday I had a lot of points left at the end of the day and decided for dinner I would go to Panera.  I realized I had enough points not only for my favorite salad, but also for a yummy pasta.  I placed my order and took my meal home to enjoy.  I realized something as I ate this extreme spread - I still wasn't satisfied.  I was falling into old habits.  One crazy meal made me want more, More, MORE!!  I am glad I was able to recognize that in myself and I won't be making the same mistake again.  Even if I have the points, I do not need to go crazy.  Moderation is key not only for weight loss, but also to help keep my psyche in order.

I have discovered that the hardest place for me to make good decisions is work.  I sit in that desk and I work within short walking distance to Starbucks and a really yummy deli.  This makes me dream of hot caramel apple cider and caramel creme frappuccinos.  The deli has the best mac and cheese ever - not to mention desserts and baked goods galore.  I went over to the deli yesterday to grab lunch and realized that although they have a lot of yummy food, it was hard to chose their healthier options when I had so much else to chose.  Bottom line.  I need to pack a lunch and snacks.  So, I have taken a proactive approach and bought myself a lunch bag.  I went to Amazon and chose the cutest one I could find.  It should arrive today.  I also have a new cookbook that I got at WW that I am going to look through and make a concentrated effort to try every single recipe in it (it is designed for the first 12 weeks of the program).  The book has great lunch ideas, and I need yummy food to satisfy me while working so close to purchasable yummy food.

I also ordered a bike seat on Amazon.  I purchased a bike at a garage sale last month, and haven't been able to ride it because the seat is broken on it.  I used to love riding my bike.  I rode everywhere.  I don't remember loving the ride to school, but I rode a lot in elementary and middle school.  My favorite was to ride with my Dad.  He rode his bike everyday to work that he could.  He passed that love of riding on to me.  I loved riding fast and exploring on two wheels.  I have many fond memories of Daddy/daughter rides.  So I decided it was time to get back on the horse or bike and ride.  Not only will it be good exercise, but it will be something fun that I can do.  Beau talked about getting a bike as well so we can go on family rides.  I joked that we will have to get a child trailer to tow our three legged dog.  There is no way I would try to ride along side her.  She is more uncoordinated than I am at times, and that is saying something.

I decided with all of my success that I deserved a reward for me.  Not a food reward, but something that would make me feel good.  I got a hair cut.  Since I have moved to Oregon finding a stylist has been hard.  I miss my friend in Idaho.  She knew exactly what I wanted!  Well I have found my new stylist in Oregon. She is amazing!!  I felt like a million bucks walking out with my new do!  I am going to have to remember to treat myself from time to time along this journey.  Not only is it important to treat my insides well, it is also equally important to take care of my physical appearance.  I have "let myself go."  I stopped wearing makeup, haven't really done my hair, and hardly wear something besides yoga pants.  I feel better about myself when I put extra effort in my appearance.  I'm not saying that I need makeup to feel complete.  I don't.  However, a little mascara gives me just a little boost of confidence.  Confidence is a good thing.  It is time to start caring again.  It is time to clean up my wardrobe and try. I may not be a model (who really is), but I can still look put together.  I may not be a size 0 (again, who really is), but I can wear clothes that compliment my body.  I have had the thought, "I will care what I look like when I am thin."  Now I think it is time to change my perspective to, "I will care what I look like now.  I don't have to be teeny tiny to start living.  I will care what I look like as I am on this path the the healthiest me possible."  Not easy to remember all the time, but I am a work in progress.