Witch's Brew and Such

In the past Halloween has not been my favorite time of year.  When we were living in Rexburg, Beau would spend the entire month of October working at John Deere by day and scaring little children at the Haunted Mill by night.  I found the month very lonely.  We loved the extra money, but it came with a price.  Since moving to Oregon I have found October to be a much more enjoyable month.  Beau is able to be home in the evenings.  I have always wanted to have a Halloween party, but it is a little hard to throw a party when your hubby cannot come because he is working.  This year I decided that it was time.  The planning began.  I have planned a shindig for the family involving a costume contest, pumpkin carving, and yummy food.  I still don't know what I am going to be for Halloween, but I will come up with something.  I have been looking at all of these fun ideas on Pinterest, and some people really go all out, even as adults.  I am impressed!  What are you going to be for Halloween?

This week has been a hard one.  I have been feeling considerable pressure and stress.  Yesterday I realized that everything was fine.  I am fine.  Beau is fine.  Izzie (our dog) is fine.  The house is messy, but it could be a lot worse.  Life goes on.  I think the reason I have felt so overwhelmed has been because I have had a headache everyday, which makes me not think clearly.  Yesterday as I considered making dinner, I was close to giving up.  I didn't want to do it.  Then I realized that if I don't get a good meal I will be even worse off.  I have the power to determine how I feel.  I cannot control the headaches, but I can control how I handle them.  So I went into the kitchen and made Turkey Zucchini Burgers (they tasted like meatloaf on a bun...so yummy!!) and roasted squash, zucchini, and onion.  Having food in my tummy made it easier to deal with my throbbing head.  I think that this happens often for me.  There is a very simple solution to a problem, and yet I sit and suffer instead.  Call it laziness, stupidity, whatever you want, I think it is a failure of taking care of myself.  Sometimes it is easier to forget about me and worry about other things that are going on.  How else does a person get to be as big as me without too much thought? 

I have considered how much I weigh right now, and it is about 80 pounds more than when Beau and I were married (6 years ago).  I thought, well, it could be a lot worse, right?  Then I realized the last time I lost weight I was within 20 pounds of my weight when I was married.  That was 2 years ago.  I have gained almost 100 pounds in 2 years (and then I lost 20).  That is a crazy amount of weight to gain in 2 years.  I really let myself overlook the scale, well I didn't step on it.  I even thought the clothing companies were changing how they were sizing clothes. Can anyone say denial!  But it isn't anyone's fault but my own.  I did this.  Owning this truth stinks.  It hurts.  But the sooner I realize I did this, the sooner I can move past it.  I realized this last week that just as I can do negative things to my body, I can also be positive.  As I considered gorging over something truly sinful the thought crossed my mind that I would be wasting time I could spend losing weight.  I would set myself back, and I have no time to lose.  I guess my brain is finally changing.  I am finally acknowledging that I have the power to choose to live a healthy lifestyle and progress in my efforts of weight loss, or I can make poor eating choices and experience set backs that will require more time to correct my weight.

So as I approach this Halloween time I am going to remember that it is up to me how I will handle this journey.  I control my success and my failure.  I get to choose to progress or regress.  Being accountable is no fun, but the sooner I am the better I will be.  No excuses.  No set backs allowed.  Move forward.