I made it through the difficult week following a weight gain. So many times I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and eat something fantastically unhealthy. But no. I stuck to my guns (what does that even mean?) and made it through the week successfully. I lost 6.6 pounds. The moral of the story is moderation in all things is important, even when I have the points available.
Okay, I am a nerd and looked up what it means to "stick to my guns". It means to remain firm in one's convictions; to stand up for one's rights. (on a soldier remaining in place to fire a gun even when all appears to be lost.) This is exactly what I was doing last week. I think it is easy to look at small setbacks as loss of all hope. Yesterday at my WW meeting we talked about why we are losing weight. At first I thought, "Don't worry, I got this covered." I was prepared to tune out, and then my meeting leader told us not to write down why we didn't want to lose the weight. I thought she was being dumb. Why would I think about something negative? I gave in and played along. I don't want to lose the weight because I don't want to make meal plans, or worry about what is being served at social gatherings, and I definitely want to eat all the junk I haven't been eating - in the amounts that I want. Then she asked us to write down why we wanted to lose the weight. I wrote down about wanting to be able to have a family, having more energy, and shopping at cute clothing stores. Of course the list goes on, but what I realized is that the reasons to not lose weight have to do with the here and now. The reasons to lose weight have to do with a better tomorrow. Mind Blown!
This week is the week of the perfect storm. Today is my sweet hubby's birthday. Tomorrow is my birthday. Thursday is Thanksgiving and my mother in law's birthday. That means three days of birthday cake, birthday celebrations, birthday dinners, and Thanksgiving. If you have been reading my blog for awhile you already know that I have been worried about Thanksgiving. So I have come to a conclusion. I have two options. I can give in and eat, a lot. Or, I can make this week count. I have chosen the latter option. I am monitoring my points, and I will be enjoying each day with caution before putting anything on my plate. I cannot afford to lose momentum. The truth is there will be another turkey, birthday cake, and double bacon cheeseburger. This week is only going to happen once. I can enjoy these happy times with friends and family without gaining weight. I can also enjoy eating yummy food without over indulging. I already know what we are having for Dinner two of the three days (my birthday is still up in the air), so I am going to plan what I am going to eat, and then I am going to relax and have fun. It is just food.
I am off work this week. I am enjoying having the time off to relax and decompress. Yesterday I spent the day cleaning. It was amazingly therapeutic. I even cleaned out the fridge. The feeling of accomplishment is so nice. I am sitting here in my living room now appreciating getting things picked up. There is much I still want to do, but I have decided that I am going to hold off until after we have moved. I am pinning up a storm on how to organize everything (well I pinned them before and am actually preparing to use those great ideas). The truth is I am immensely blessed. I have so much to be thankful for. I can see that when I realize the reason I need to organize is because I have things that need to be organized: food storage, linens, movies and music, clothing, dishes, small appliances, and so on. Honestly I need to remember how much I have. Even when things seem hard, I still have so much to be thankful for.
I hope everyone has a happy and safe Thanksgiving. Enjoy spending time with family and friends.
MyFitnessPal
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Hurdles
When I was in High School I had friends who ran in track. One in particular loved the hurdles. She was pretty good too. The thought of jumping over something while running seemed like a very stupid thing to do to this very uncoordinated, overweight girl. But I could tell that with each practice and meet she felt empowered. I feared what happens if you stumble over and fall down? One day that answer came in the form of a competitor falling and breaking bones (if I remember the story correctly it was a nasty break with bones sticking out and everything). This cemented my first thoughts of the dangers of jumping over hurdles. Sometimes you stumble and fall. And sometimes you break bones. So does that mean that you don't try? That you never put yourself out there because of the risks?
Since I started going to WW I have had the fear of the dreaded weigh in where I gain and not lose. What will I do? How will it effect me? Will I recover? Well it happened. I gained 1.2 pounds this last week. I couldn't believe it. I even stepped on the scale again to see if it was wrong (it wasn't.). Then I held a pity party for one, and started trying to blame someone or something for my gain. I had stayed within my points. I had been working hard this last week. What went wrong? I narrowed down the issues to one of two possible reasons. The most likely culprit is the Movie Theater Popcorn I ate on Saturday. I had a lot of points left at the end of the day, and when Beau and I went to the movies I gave in to one of my favorite treats. I ordered a large Buttery Movie Popcorn. I was completely within my points, and I stuffed my face. What I failed to remember is that although I had plenty of points to cover my indulgence, I consumed a ridiculous amount of sodium and am most likely still retaining quite a bit of water weight as a result. I stayed for my entire meeting (even though I wanted to run and hide) and listened to some tips and tricks for surviving Thanksgiving. Another hurdle? Umm... NO!
So where do I go from here? Beau asked me to promise him that I wouldn't give up. I may be down, but I am not out. This happens. If I didn't earn lessons along the way I would not be able to conquer this hurdle. I imagine that girl was a little hesitant about attempting a hurdle again, but I hope she healed and went back for more.
In September we had a family reunion. At this campground we stayed at there was a zip line that you could ride and slow as your bum skid across the pond below. The kids had a blast. As the day wore on the kids decided to try jumping off and landing in the water. My niece decided to muster up her courage and took the challenge. Poor thing jumped off too soon and instead of dropping a few feet she dropped like 10 feet to the water. This startled her and kind of knocked the wind out of her. She was upset for a minute, but it wasn't long before she said she would get back on the zip line for another ride - just perhaps she wouldn't jump off so early. She learned from her mistake and was ready to try again.
This is where I am. I have learned that there is more to food that fat, protein, carbs, and dietary fiber. There are other factors to food that influence our bodies for good or bad. I have been enjoying most of the positive results of my dietary choices, but it is good to learn from the negative results too. Today I brush off the popcorn and move on.
Over the weekend I went to Time Out for Women. It was a wonderful experience listening to the motivational speakers and being able to spend time with my sisters in law. Something awesome happened that I was secretly nervous about. We stayed at a hotel that was about a half mile from the convention center. This meant that we would be walking to and from the hotel 4 times. Two months ago this would have been an embarrassingly impossible task. I did not have the ability to walk any distance without huffing and puffing. I was fearful of not being able to make the walk at a normal pace - and without frequent stops. I was able to do the whole walk without issue. All four times. I know half a mile seems like no distance at all to most, but to me it meant that I am improving. My health is increasing.
Since I started going to WW I have had the fear of the dreaded weigh in where I gain and not lose. What will I do? How will it effect me? Will I recover? Well it happened. I gained 1.2 pounds this last week. I couldn't believe it. I even stepped on the scale again to see if it was wrong (it wasn't.). Then I held a pity party for one, and started trying to blame someone or something for my gain. I had stayed within my points. I had been working hard this last week. What went wrong? I narrowed down the issues to one of two possible reasons. The most likely culprit is the Movie Theater Popcorn I ate on Saturday. I had a lot of points left at the end of the day, and when Beau and I went to the movies I gave in to one of my favorite treats. I ordered a large Buttery Movie Popcorn. I was completely within my points, and I stuffed my face. What I failed to remember is that although I had plenty of points to cover my indulgence, I consumed a ridiculous amount of sodium and am most likely still retaining quite a bit of water weight as a result. I stayed for my entire meeting (even though I wanted to run and hide) and listened to some tips and tricks for surviving Thanksgiving. Another hurdle? Umm... NO!
So where do I go from here? Beau asked me to promise him that I wouldn't give up. I may be down, but I am not out. This happens. If I didn't earn lessons along the way I would not be able to conquer this hurdle. I imagine that girl was a little hesitant about attempting a hurdle again, but I hope she healed and went back for more.
In September we had a family reunion. At this campground we stayed at there was a zip line that you could ride and slow as your bum skid across the pond below. The kids had a blast. As the day wore on the kids decided to try jumping off and landing in the water. My niece decided to muster up her courage and took the challenge. Poor thing jumped off too soon and instead of dropping a few feet she dropped like 10 feet to the water. This startled her and kind of knocked the wind out of her. She was upset for a minute, but it wasn't long before she said she would get back on the zip line for another ride - just perhaps she wouldn't jump off so early. She learned from her mistake and was ready to try again.
This is where I am. I have learned that there is more to food that fat, protein, carbs, and dietary fiber. There are other factors to food that influence our bodies for good or bad. I have been enjoying most of the positive results of my dietary choices, but it is good to learn from the negative results too. Today I brush off the popcorn and move on.
Over the weekend I went to Time Out for Women. It was a wonderful experience listening to the motivational speakers and being able to spend time with my sisters in law. Something awesome happened that I was secretly nervous about. We stayed at a hotel that was about a half mile from the convention center. This meant that we would be walking to and from the hotel 4 times. Two months ago this would have been an embarrassingly impossible task. I did not have the ability to walk any distance without huffing and puffing. I was fearful of not being able to make the walk at a normal pace - and without frequent stops. I was able to do the whole walk without issue. All four times. I know half a mile seems like no distance at all to most, but to me it meant that I am improving. My health is increasing.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Visible Differences
This weekend I put on a pair of pants that I can take off without unbuttoning or unzipping. No they are not yoga pants! They are jeans. A pair I could hardly squeeze into a couple months ago. That is the sweet results of success. I love it!
I was talking to a friend, and she all of a sudden stopped and said I have been trying to figure out what has changed with you. I thought maybe your hair, but it's your face. It's thinner! She apologized for interrupting me, and I told her that she can interrupt me with that news all day. I want to hear that kind of feedback.
I was even told that my waist is starting to have more definition. Loving it! So, it has taken about 8 weeks for people to start seeing the changes. Thank heavens. I am feeling a little lighter. I have a bounce to my step, and I feel like I can hold my head up high. I still have many miles to go, but I am making visible progress. Winning!
I also had a realization over the weekend - I am young. Sometimes I forget this. I have so many friends with several kids and I felt like I was horribly behind. I thought that we might not be able to have the family we want because we don't have any kids yet. Maybe we will only be able to have one because we are so "old." Guess what? I'm young! I will be turning 29 in a couple weeks, and that is okay. Even if it takes me 5 more years to get healthy enough to carry a child, who cares? Women can have babies well into their 40's. If I want a big family it is not too late. Even if we can't conceive our own kids, there is plenty of time for adoption. I need to stop thinking that all of my opportunities have come and gone because I didn't do something in my 20's.
I have been dreading turning 29. This birthday has seemed like a death sentence. I have said many times that I will be having my last birthday because I don't want to be older that 29. I often dreaded this age thing because I thought that my 20's were such a waste. I am not where I thought I would be at 28. Funny how life happens differently than you plan.
In the Fall of 2006, I returned to BYU-Idaho to refocus my education. I took those scary steps out the front door and attempted to redefine who I am. I was 21, almost 22, and I thought I had the world figured out. I was fat then too. So my plan was to go to school and work on my education, lose weight, so that by the time I graduated I would look like the kind of person someone would want to employ. I had been told early in life that overwieght people never get good jobs because people are prejudice against them. They are viewed as lazy, and therefore not a good fit for employment. I feared this so much. What if I stepped out into the big world and no one would hire me. So, I began my journey. I thought that no one would want to marry a fat/lazy person either, so I figured that I would lose weight so that someone might want to love me. I know, this is pathetic. But it was the way my brain worked/works. That fall semester I was thrown a curve ball, and met the love of my life. He loved me for me - curves (lumps) and all. I still to this day struggle to believe him when he tells me I am beautiful because fat people aren't beautiful. I did lose weight that semester, but over the next year as I planned a wedding and married my dream man, I allowed the stress of everything to enter my mouth. I continued my education, and graduated in 2010. I was able to get a great job. The only thing missing was the family I desired. So, I tried to lose weight again to try to get my body to allow a pregnancy. I did well for several months, but when yet another curve ball was thrown my way, I stumbled - defeated. I gave up on all attempts to lose weight. I was hardly holding on. Through a lot of personal introspection and discovery I have found that I totally use food as a crutch. I also use my weight as an excuse not to try hard to succeed or excel. That is why I am not where I want to be. I allow myself to get in my own way.
Moving to Oregon last year was a really positive change for Beau and I. I have known since the move that it was time to so something about my health, but I allowed my fears to defer my progress. Now that I am on this difficult journey I realize that procrastinating making the change only delays my success. I am in charge of my course. I can choose to stay on track or I can throw myself off course. I am constantly having to correct my thoughts, so that I can stay on track. This will not be an overnight process, but I am young. I have time to take this journey and do this right. It is okay if I don't have everything I thought I would have by now. Life is not always going to be what we expect, but I can make the choice to point my sails in the right direction and press forward. Today I am working to make tomorrow better. I will do everything today to make it the best today it can be. I will be present in my life, and not give up because things are not how I expected or thought they should be.
I was talking to a friend, and she all of a sudden stopped and said I have been trying to figure out what has changed with you. I thought maybe your hair, but it's your face. It's thinner! She apologized for interrupting me, and I told her that she can interrupt me with that news all day. I want to hear that kind of feedback.
I was even told that my waist is starting to have more definition. Loving it! So, it has taken about 8 weeks for people to start seeing the changes. Thank heavens. I am feeling a little lighter. I have a bounce to my step, and I feel like I can hold my head up high. I still have many miles to go, but I am making visible progress. Winning!
I also had a realization over the weekend - I am young. Sometimes I forget this. I have so many friends with several kids and I felt like I was horribly behind. I thought that we might not be able to have the family we want because we don't have any kids yet. Maybe we will only be able to have one because we are so "old." Guess what? I'm young! I will be turning 29 in a couple weeks, and that is okay. Even if it takes me 5 more years to get healthy enough to carry a child, who cares? Women can have babies well into their 40's. If I want a big family it is not too late. Even if we can't conceive our own kids, there is plenty of time for adoption. I need to stop thinking that all of my opportunities have come and gone because I didn't do something in my 20's.
I have been dreading turning 29. This birthday has seemed like a death sentence. I have said many times that I will be having my last birthday because I don't want to be older that 29. I often dreaded this age thing because I thought that my 20's were such a waste. I am not where I thought I would be at 28. Funny how life happens differently than you plan.
In the Fall of 2006, I returned to BYU-Idaho to refocus my education. I took those scary steps out the front door and attempted to redefine who I am. I was 21, almost 22, and I thought I had the world figured out. I was fat then too. So my plan was to go to school and work on my education, lose weight, so that by the time I graduated I would look like the kind of person someone would want to employ. I had been told early in life that overwieght people never get good jobs because people are prejudice against them. They are viewed as lazy, and therefore not a good fit for employment. I feared this so much. What if I stepped out into the big world and no one would hire me. So, I began my journey. I thought that no one would want to marry a fat/lazy person either, so I figured that I would lose weight so that someone might want to love me. I know, this is pathetic. But it was the way my brain worked/works. That fall semester I was thrown a curve ball, and met the love of my life. He loved me for me - curves (lumps) and all. I still to this day struggle to believe him when he tells me I am beautiful because fat people aren't beautiful. I did lose weight that semester, but over the next year as I planned a wedding and married my dream man, I allowed the stress of everything to enter my mouth. I continued my education, and graduated in 2010. I was able to get a great job. The only thing missing was the family I desired. So, I tried to lose weight again to try to get my body to allow a pregnancy. I did well for several months, but when yet another curve ball was thrown my way, I stumbled - defeated. I gave up on all attempts to lose weight. I was hardly holding on. Through a lot of personal introspection and discovery I have found that I totally use food as a crutch. I also use my weight as an excuse not to try hard to succeed or excel. That is why I am not where I want to be. I allow myself to get in my own way.
Moving to Oregon last year was a really positive change for Beau and I. I have known since the move that it was time to so something about my health, but I allowed my fears to defer my progress. Now that I am on this difficult journey I realize that procrastinating making the change only delays my success. I am in charge of my course. I can choose to stay on track or I can throw myself off course. I am constantly having to correct my thoughts, so that I can stay on track. This will not be an overnight process, but I am young. I have time to take this journey and do this right. It is okay if I don't have everything I thought I would have by now. Life is not always going to be what we expect, but I can make the choice to point my sails in the right direction and press forward. Today I am working to make tomorrow better. I will do everything today to make it the best today it can be. I will be present in my life, and not give up because things are not how I expected or thought they should be.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
What my Momma taught me
You know it is funny to go on Facebook and see all of the "I'm thankful for..." during the month of November. I have often thought about giving my daily "I'm thankful's," but it just really isn't my style. Honestly I think of many things I am thankful for and then I don't actually vocalize them. This is definitely one of my shortcomings. I know better. I decided that today I am going to share one of the things I am truly grateful for. My mom.
I should tell you that my mom does not love this picture, but I do. This was taken at our Sanders Family Reunion in 2008. I had been married for one year. One of the hardest I have ever survived (that is a blog post for another day). My mom and I don't have to even say anything, and we know what the other is thinking. I can read her expression here like a book. I love this woman.
Growing up I remember my mom always being there. She was always there. She would get us up in the morning and make our breakfast and lunch before school. She taught us how to make our beds and pick up after ourselves. When we came home from school she would be in the kitchen preparing dinner and helping us with our homework. My mom taught me how to be scheduled and disciplined. Now I will not lie, I hated everything being scheduled and I was vocal. I tried to convince her to let me play or watch tv before doing the work, but she taught me work first, and then play. This is such a great lesson.
She taught me how to plan menu's and make meals. I am a pretty awesome cook if I do say so myself, and everything I know I learned from my mother.
My mother also taught me never to give up - even when something seems hard or impossible. I remember in Second Grade I was assigned the task of making a heffalump or woozle (thank you Winnie the Pooh) and to right a story about it. I spent a lot of time creating Crystal (yes I remember what I named it) and didn't create a good story. My mom saw what I had written right before bed, and told me that I was getting up the next morning and re-writing the whole thing. I was up and the ridiculous hour of 6:00 AM the next morning telling the tale of Crystal as my mom made breakfasts and lunches, and got herself ready for the day.
My mom never stayed in her pajamas all day. She to this day gets up every morning and prepares herself for whatever task is ahead of her. Even as she has aged and experienced those aches and pains of increasing years, she never quits. She keeps going.
I have also had the privilege of watching my mom develop her career. My mom went to a little bit of college, but when the money wasn't there she went to work full time. When she married my dad she continued to work even after she had me and took me to work with her to work (she was able to since she worked at her parents orthodontic lab). When she had my younger sister she became a stay at home mom, but never did she act like she didn't have anything to do. She worked in our classrooms, and helped us before and after school. She made beautiful quilts and although she would never admit it, she is an amazingly talented crafter. When my sister was school age my mom started working as a yard duty. Then she earned the positions of lunch lady, librarian, FAME Coordinator (art program for my elementary school) and office assistant. I watched over the years as she worked her way to becoming the Principal's Secretary. She has also put in more hours than she had to in order to make sure that that kids she works with have the best chance of being successful at school.
My mom never "half does" anything. If she says she is going to do something, she does it. Even if she doesn't want to or it makes her uncomfortable. She is a woman that you can count on to do the job to the best of her ability.
As I walked to the garage a few minutes ago, I passed my dinner cooking in the crockpot. I thought to myself, I am so thankful my mom taught me how to cook. I don't know how I would have ever survived without her. The woman I am today is because of her. She taught me to be honest and strong. To never give up on myself, and to trust in the Lord. We don't get to see each other as often as I would like, but whenever we are together it is as if we have only been apart a moment. We just pick up where we left off. When asked if I like living in Oregon, I always respond, "Yes, I just wish my family lived closer."
I love you mom. I am thankful for you. Thanks for being the woman that you are and for teaching me to become just like you.
I should tell you that my mom does not love this picture, but I do. This was taken at our Sanders Family Reunion in 2008. I had been married for one year. One of the hardest I have ever survived (that is a blog post for another day). My mom and I don't have to even say anything, and we know what the other is thinking. I can read her expression here like a book. I love this woman.
Growing up I remember my mom always being there. She was always there. She would get us up in the morning and make our breakfast and lunch before school. She taught us how to make our beds and pick up after ourselves. When we came home from school she would be in the kitchen preparing dinner and helping us with our homework. My mom taught me how to be scheduled and disciplined. Now I will not lie, I hated everything being scheduled and I was vocal. I tried to convince her to let me play or watch tv before doing the work, but she taught me work first, and then play. This is such a great lesson.
She taught me how to plan menu's and make meals. I am a pretty awesome cook if I do say so myself, and everything I know I learned from my mother.
My mother also taught me never to give up - even when something seems hard or impossible. I remember in Second Grade I was assigned the task of making a heffalump or woozle (thank you Winnie the Pooh) and to right a story about it. I spent a lot of time creating Crystal (yes I remember what I named it) and didn't create a good story. My mom saw what I had written right before bed, and told me that I was getting up the next morning and re-writing the whole thing. I was up and the ridiculous hour of 6:00 AM the next morning telling the tale of Crystal as my mom made breakfasts and lunches, and got herself ready for the day.
My mom never stayed in her pajamas all day. She to this day gets up every morning and prepares herself for whatever task is ahead of her. Even as she has aged and experienced those aches and pains of increasing years, she never quits. She keeps going.
I have also had the privilege of watching my mom develop her career. My mom went to a little bit of college, but when the money wasn't there she went to work full time. When she married my dad she continued to work even after she had me and took me to work with her to work (she was able to since she worked at her parents orthodontic lab). When she had my younger sister she became a stay at home mom, but never did she act like she didn't have anything to do. She worked in our classrooms, and helped us before and after school. She made beautiful quilts and although she would never admit it, she is an amazingly talented crafter. When my sister was school age my mom started working as a yard duty. Then she earned the positions of lunch lady, librarian, FAME Coordinator (art program for my elementary school) and office assistant. I watched over the years as she worked her way to becoming the Principal's Secretary. She has also put in more hours than she had to in order to make sure that that kids she works with have the best chance of being successful at school.
My mom never "half does" anything. If she says she is going to do something, she does it. Even if she doesn't want to or it makes her uncomfortable. She is a woman that you can count on to do the job to the best of her ability.
As I walked to the garage a few minutes ago, I passed my dinner cooking in the crockpot. I thought to myself, I am so thankful my mom taught me how to cook. I don't know how I would have ever survived without her. The woman I am today is because of her. She taught me to be honest and strong. To never give up on myself, and to trust in the Lord. We don't get to see each other as often as I would like, but whenever we are together it is as if we have only been apart a moment. We just pick up where we left off. When asked if I like living in Oregon, I always respond, "Yes, I just wish my family lived closer."
I love you mom. I am thankful for you. Thanks for being the woman that you are and for teaching me to become just like you.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Monday, Monday
I was raised listening to a lot of oldies, including the Mama's and the Papa's. When I lived in Idaho the song California Dreaming would often run across my mind as the 6 month winter continued on. No matter where I live I think of Monday, Monday on Mondays. I think that Mondays get a bad wrap. It isn't their fault that they are the beginning of the work week, and the dreaded end of the weekend. This Monday I am feeling pretty good.
Friday had it's own list of problems as I struggled to recover from Thursday aka Party Day aka Halloween. Even though I did not lose control I had to push my thoughts back in focus and stop thinking about junk food. One thing that got me through the day was trying on a dress that stopped fitting months ago. It is one of my favorites, and I love wearing it. I slid the dress over my head and it fell right where it belonged. No issues. If that isn't enough to give a girl a boost, I don't know what will.
Saturday started very early by attending the 6:00 AM session at the Portland Temple. Beau's dad had invited us to go with him, and I struggled to get excited about waking up even earlier than normal on the only day of the week I get to sleep in. It has been a while since I last went, and I knew that I needed to go. Not to mention Beau had asked me to come with him. Making the decision to go occurred on Friday night right before bed, and four short hours later I was up again. I have to admit that even though I was sleep deprived, that was the best thing I could have done. I love being able to focus on the things that are most important. Going to the temple allows me to turn off all the distractions that I face every day in normal circumstances and just focus on my faith. I was centered.
The rest of Saturday was spent doing something that I have neglected for some time. I cleaned my house. When I was single I used to love cleaning. In fact, I would become a woman on a mission with a sponge in one hand and my trusty cleaner in the other. My roommates would joke to stay away when I was cleaning. It just made me think clearer when I wasn't stressed over the state of my home. I did pretty well cleaning my own home after we were married until going to school full time, and working full time meant that something had to be put off. That was the house. I decided that I could either be a good student or an excellent home cleaner and not both. Since I have graduated I have found that cleaning was something that was easier to ignore. The truth is that while I was working and studying I was eating. Helping pack on these much despised pounds. When I tried to clean I found that my body hurt more and more with each increase in my size. My back would scream in pain and my body would tire. Who wants to do something that makes them feel like an old woman? Not me! So I found myself putting off cleaning more and more. Trying to ignore my house made me depressed which made me eat, which helped me gain weight, which made this whole process a vicious cycle. There are other things that I don't do as much for similar reasons, but the state of my home is one that bothers me more than the others. On Saturday I decided it was time to get off my butt and get scrubbing. I cleaned each room to the best of my ability (unfortunately missing the floors in the kitchen and living room) and then sat down and remembered why I used to love cleaning. I didn't even mind the back pain that came because it was no where near as bad as it used to be, and I could finally truly take a deep breath and not cringe at the state of my home. Beau was excited to see the improvement when he got home as well. It is just nice to have things taken care of.
Sunday we went to church, and afterwards we took a drive out to the area we hope to be living in the next few months. We hope to move closer to Beau and my jobs so that we can cut down on commute time and cost. In the evening we had Beau's parents and the missionaries over for dinner. I made a chicken tortilla soup that tasted pretty awesome if I do say so myself. I also made a fruit salad with pineapple, kiwi, and watermelon. It was a nice evening with pleasant conversation and good healthy food.
This brings us to Monday. Today I got up and put dinner in the crock pot. I also found out that we might be able to move into a nicer house than we thought as one is going to be available soon. This house has a huge garage with tons of storage space, three bedrooms, one bathroom, carpet (I really miss having warm floors!!), and a gas stove. This sounds like heaven. I am excited for the prospect of the move. I think I could use a positive change in housing. I would also be able to see Beau more often which is never a bad thing. So Monday's aren't all bad. This morning when the alarm went off I looked at Beau and said, "Today is my weight in." He told me, "Well that's a good thing because you have nothing to worry about." He is right. Even though my brain told me otherwise, I did not go crazy and eat the world. I am ready for my trip to the scale. Bring it!
Friday had it's own list of problems as I struggled to recover from Thursday aka Party Day aka Halloween. Even though I did not lose control I had to push my thoughts back in focus and stop thinking about junk food. One thing that got me through the day was trying on a dress that stopped fitting months ago. It is one of my favorites, and I love wearing it. I slid the dress over my head and it fell right where it belonged. No issues. If that isn't enough to give a girl a boost, I don't know what will.
Saturday started very early by attending the 6:00 AM session at the Portland Temple. Beau's dad had invited us to go with him, and I struggled to get excited about waking up even earlier than normal on the only day of the week I get to sleep in. It has been a while since I last went, and I knew that I needed to go. Not to mention Beau had asked me to come with him. Making the decision to go occurred on Friday night right before bed, and four short hours later I was up again. I have to admit that even though I was sleep deprived, that was the best thing I could have done. I love being able to focus on the things that are most important. Going to the temple allows me to turn off all the distractions that I face every day in normal circumstances and just focus on my faith. I was centered.
The rest of Saturday was spent doing something that I have neglected for some time. I cleaned my house. When I was single I used to love cleaning. In fact, I would become a woman on a mission with a sponge in one hand and my trusty cleaner in the other. My roommates would joke to stay away when I was cleaning. It just made me think clearer when I wasn't stressed over the state of my home. I did pretty well cleaning my own home after we were married until going to school full time, and working full time meant that something had to be put off. That was the house. I decided that I could either be a good student or an excellent home cleaner and not both. Since I have graduated I have found that cleaning was something that was easier to ignore. The truth is that while I was working and studying I was eating. Helping pack on these much despised pounds. When I tried to clean I found that my body hurt more and more with each increase in my size. My back would scream in pain and my body would tire. Who wants to do something that makes them feel like an old woman? Not me! So I found myself putting off cleaning more and more. Trying to ignore my house made me depressed which made me eat, which helped me gain weight, which made this whole process a vicious cycle. There are other things that I don't do as much for similar reasons, but the state of my home is one that bothers me more than the others. On Saturday I decided it was time to get off my butt and get scrubbing. I cleaned each room to the best of my ability (unfortunately missing the floors in the kitchen and living room) and then sat down and remembered why I used to love cleaning. I didn't even mind the back pain that came because it was no where near as bad as it used to be, and I could finally truly take a deep breath and not cringe at the state of my home. Beau was excited to see the improvement when he got home as well. It is just nice to have things taken care of.
Sunday we went to church, and afterwards we took a drive out to the area we hope to be living in the next few months. We hope to move closer to Beau and my jobs so that we can cut down on commute time and cost. In the evening we had Beau's parents and the missionaries over for dinner. I made a chicken tortilla soup that tasted pretty awesome if I do say so myself. I also made a fruit salad with pineapple, kiwi, and watermelon. It was a nice evening with pleasant conversation and good healthy food.
This brings us to Monday. Today I got up and put dinner in the crock pot. I also found out that we might be able to move into a nicer house than we thought as one is going to be available soon. This house has a huge garage with tons of storage space, three bedrooms, one bathroom, carpet (I really miss having warm floors!!), and a gas stove. This sounds like heaven. I am excited for the prospect of the move. I think I could use a positive change in housing. I would also be able to see Beau more often which is never a bad thing. So Monday's aren't all bad. This morning when the alarm went off I looked at Beau and said, "Today is my weight in." He told me, "Well that's a good thing because you have nothing to worry about." He is right. Even though my brain told me otherwise, I did not go crazy and eat the world. I am ready for my trip to the scale. Bring it!
Friday, November 1, 2013
Party! Party! Party!
Yesterday was a day of parties. We had a Pizza party and potluck at work, and then my church had a chili cook off and trunk or treat. Let's just say yesterday was a hard day. Oh Halloween, why must you be a day all about candy?
For the potluck I had planned on making a fresh fruit salad. This way I would be sure to have something healthy. The night before turned into a long night, and before I knew it I was at Safeway buying cookies for the Potluck. First fail! I also bought Halloween candy for the trunk or treat. I did pick out candy I do not like (a variety of toostie roll this and that), so I would be able to resist the temptation. I left both items in the car overnight, so they wouldn't be in the house to tempt me. I will count that as a win - I did plan well on the candy. Then in the morning I did not leave myself enough time to make breakfast, and decided to go grab something when I got to work. When I got to work I went to the deli across the street and they had a breakfast scramble that had eggs, milk, veggies, and cheese, so I went with that (they didn't add any butter or anything so it was a safer option) and went about my day. My next fail occurred when I realized I could smell those delicious cookies. I moved them away from me, so I wouldn't be tempted. But my ability to say no was starting to fall. By the time lunch rolled around I was very hungry thinking of pizza and cookies and cakes. Oy! So, I decided that I would try to be careful and eat small portions. I had one deviled egg, one piece of pizza, one mini (cupcake size) pumpkin pie, and a very small amount of pork and pumpkin stew. I was feeling okay with the fact I didn't go crazy, until I realized that what I ate was a lot worse than I realized initially. I was disappointed in myself. But I brushed it off, and told myself that I would finish the day off right. When I got home from work all of the crap I had eaten hadn't really filled me, so I ate a snack (it was a small Skinny Cow ice cream bar - probably not the best choice but it was easy to grab). Then I went to the chili cook off and trunk or treat. There was chili, corn bread, and too many desserts. I was overwhelmed unsure what to allow myself to eat because my resolve was failing me. So, I didn't eat anything. I left, gave my candy to another person to pass out, and went to Subway to buy a sandwich. I finished the day off strong. I am still disappointed in myself. In fact several times last night I just wanted to cry. I thought I was stronger than this.
Now is time for a little reflection. I did pretty good for my first holiday. I didn't lose it. I maintained control and accounted for every item to enter my mouth. I also left when I realized I wasn't strong enough to make a good decision. I recognized my failing resolve. I forgot how easy it is to get caught up in socializing and eating whatever is in front of you. I had a hard time not looking at all the yumminess and not partaking. If I would have made a fruit salad like I had intended, would things have gone better? Would the potluck not have seemed so hard because I would have had something I could have eaten without worry? Would my resolve have been stronger when I went to the chili cook off? I think it is prudent to point out that I was an addict stuck smack dab right in the middle of an addicts dream. I was surrounded by the things that I normally would gorge myself on. The hard thing is I still want to be social, and be a part of the party. Food is going to typically be involved when people gather, so I can't avoid it completely. I need to find a better way to handle those types of situations. The next big test will come on Thanksgiving. I think I will count Halloween as a trial run, and learn from my experiences. I have a month to find some healthy recipes to bring to the table, so I don't run into this problem again - at least not so unprepared.
I got to see my employee pictures yesterday. They are awful! My boss looked at them and asked why I wasn't smiling? She said for a person who is always laughing and smiling I should have smiled more. She is right. I was uncomfortable with having my picture taken and it shows. Oh well. Next employee picture day I will be sure to plaster that smile on my face. Life is good. Trials and struggles may discourage me from time to time, but I have much to be grateful for. I will smile.
For the potluck I had planned on making a fresh fruit salad. This way I would be sure to have something healthy. The night before turned into a long night, and before I knew it I was at Safeway buying cookies for the Potluck. First fail! I also bought Halloween candy for the trunk or treat. I did pick out candy I do not like (a variety of toostie roll this and that), so I would be able to resist the temptation. I left both items in the car overnight, so they wouldn't be in the house to tempt me. I will count that as a win - I did plan well on the candy. Then in the morning I did not leave myself enough time to make breakfast, and decided to go grab something when I got to work. When I got to work I went to the deli across the street and they had a breakfast scramble that had eggs, milk, veggies, and cheese, so I went with that (they didn't add any butter or anything so it was a safer option) and went about my day. My next fail occurred when I realized I could smell those delicious cookies. I moved them away from me, so I wouldn't be tempted. But my ability to say no was starting to fall. By the time lunch rolled around I was very hungry thinking of pizza and cookies and cakes. Oy! So, I decided that I would try to be careful and eat small portions. I had one deviled egg, one piece of pizza, one mini (cupcake size) pumpkin pie, and a very small amount of pork and pumpkin stew. I was feeling okay with the fact I didn't go crazy, until I realized that what I ate was a lot worse than I realized initially. I was disappointed in myself. But I brushed it off, and told myself that I would finish the day off right. When I got home from work all of the crap I had eaten hadn't really filled me, so I ate a snack (it was a small Skinny Cow ice cream bar - probably not the best choice but it was easy to grab). Then I went to the chili cook off and trunk or treat. There was chili, corn bread, and too many desserts. I was overwhelmed unsure what to allow myself to eat because my resolve was failing me. So, I didn't eat anything. I left, gave my candy to another person to pass out, and went to Subway to buy a sandwich. I finished the day off strong. I am still disappointed in myself. In fact several times last night I just wanted to cry. I thought I was stronger than this.
Now is time for a little reflection. I did pretty good for my first holiday. I didn't lose it. I maintained control and accounted for every item to enter my mouth. I also left when I realized I wasn't strong enough to make a good decision. I recognized my failing resolve. I forgot how easy it is to get caught up in socializing and eating whatever is in front of you. I had a hard time not looking at all the yumminess and not partaking. If I would have made a fruit salad like I had intended, would things have gone better? Would the potluck not have seemed so hard because I would have had something I could have eaten without worry? Would my resolve have been stronger when I went to the chili cook off? I think it is prudent to point out that I was an addict stuck smack dab right in the middle of an addicts dream. I was surrounded by the things that I normally would gorge myself on. The hard thing is I still want to be social, and be a part of the party. Food is going to typically be involved when people gather, so I can't avoid it completely. I need to find a better way to handle those types of situations. The next big test will come on Thanksgiving. I think I will count Halloween as a trial run, and learn from my experiences. I have a month to find some healthy recipes to bring to the table, so I don't run into this problem again - at least not so unprepared.
I got to see my employee pictures yesterday. They are awful! My boss looked at them and asked why I wasn't smiling? She said for a person who is always laughing and smiling I should have smiled more. She is right. I was uncomfortable with having my picture taken and it shows. Oh well. Next employee picture day I will be sure to plaster that smile on my face. Life is good. Trials and struggles may discourage me from time to time, but I have much to be grateful for. I will smile.
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