Picking my Battles

When I was a little girl I had a love/hate relationship with my little sister.  We could play for hours, but one small annoyance and we were fierce and loud.  My parents would never tolerate sibling fighting.  I would argue that Janelle had done something, it was all her fault.  My mom told me to pick my battles.  To only worry about the things that actually matter.

Then when I was in middle school I was able to experience life as a fat teenager.  Middle school is not easy for the prettiest and most popular, but it was dreadfully brutal for the person who did not fit the mold.  I remember begging for my mom to pull me out of school and home school me.  I pleaded for three years to not have to face the frustration and bullying that was middle school.  My mom told me that she wasn't going to remove me from school.  My education was too important, and she felt she could not give me what I needed at home.  Once again, I was taught the lesson to pick my battles.  I could give up and cry over the immaturity of others and my over sensitive teenage self.  When I was an eighth grader it was a few months before promotion, and the group I hung out with was less than kind - but I thought I fit it.  My friend in the group told me that the whole group planned to turn on me at the promotion dance and tell me how much they hated me and how stupid I was.  I decided if that was the situation I would do what any level headed and rational 13 year old would do.  That's right, I changed myself to fit in.  I started swearing, and bullying others around me.  I changed my hair and dress to better fit in.  I hated every minute of it.  By the time the promotion dance came I decided that I wasn't going to live that way.  I won't change myself to fit in.  I think that was the first time in my life that I realized that being myself was more important than fitting in.  I picked the wrong battle at first, and when I realized my mistake I jumped ship.  I wish I could say that I never made a choice to try and fit in again, but I would be wrong and a liar.  Those thoughts are for other posts.  I don't tell you this to gain pity.  I tell you this because sometimes we need to pick our battles, and if we discover that we chose the wrong one it is okay to pick ourselves up and fix the situation.

So maintaining my weight is not working as well as I hoped.  Something is wrong with my scale at home because it shows my weight staying the same, but at the doctors yesterday I noticed an 8 pound increase on the scale.  Apparently I am still going about this in the wrong way.  So do I give up and stop fighting for myself?  Nope.  I change my battle plan. My doctor wants me to go see a registered dietitian.  The idea of having another person tell me what I can or cannot put in my mouth at first seemed like a bad idea.  I could do well on weight watchers, do I really need more info?  Well yes I do.  It is time to reevaluate and pick the right battles.  I should not fight the ideas of healthcare professionals.  They know what they are talking about.  No I don't take everything without they say on pure faith.  I do process, but the things the doctor said makes logical healthy sense.

My house is another battle I am currently facing.  I feel overwhelmed by it.  I so far have chosen the battle of disconnecting from the problem.  If I don't look at the boxes or piles of stuff that needs to be put away, then I won't feel this hopelessness of mice in the walls and ants sneaking in through the back door.  I won't notice the seams in the carpet and the staples sticking out of the floor keeping the seams down.  I just realized this post is becoming a repeat of last weeks post.  So I am going to document what I am going to accomplish today, and tomorrow I will come back and account for it.  Baby steps.  I pick the battle of making my home livable.  I pick the battle to make myself comfortable and happy.  I pick the battle to move past disconnection.  Today I will finish getting the kitchen unpacked.  I will finish the dishes and prepare a meal in the kitchen.  I will wash a load of towels.  I will overcome my worries that that house is not going to ever feel like home, and I will make it one.