Yesterday was different than any other day I have experienced in a weight loss journey. I discovered that being a mom complicated my progress. Not because Johanna makes me eat, but because I am the best leftovers - clean up the toddlers plate - mommy you have ever seen. Waste not, right? I made her some toast for breakfast, and she didn't eat it all. I could imagine the yummy goodness of the butter, and then I reminded myself that I didn't need it. I hadn't gone to the store yet, so I ate a string cheese and an orange. No incredibly impressive for a meal, but it worked. Then when lunch rolled around and I was making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I got the slightest big of peanut butter on my finger. All I wanted to do was lick it off. But I didn't. I washed my hands and fed my daughter. The left over sandwich was disposed of in the trash before I could give it much thought. I have a Tuna sandwich, which I thoroughly enjoyed. The dinner time came. I went into the kitchen, and it was a mess. I really couldn't cook anything before I cleaned up. So I cleaned the kitchen, and then realized I was STARVING!! Panic set in. I still hadn't gone grocery shopping. My options were slim. I settled on cereal and milk. I measured out my portion, and survived the temptation to go find something unhealthy. I made it through the day and went to bed satisfied and proud of myself. The first day eating healthy is always hard, but I tracked what I ate, and came out on top.
This morning presented a new set of challenges. I didn't want a string cheese and an orange for breakfast. So I started scrounging (I really need to goo shopping) and found some frozen fruit and a chocolate smoothie powder mix. Then I found PB2 and a smoothie was made. As I was blending it my little helper came in and told me she wanted some too. So we sat down together and enjoyed my chocolate, peanut butter, strawberry, banana (don't knock it till you try it) concoction. I think she loved it as much as I did. It felt a double happy moment. I had found a breakfast that satisfied and pleased me, and I also was able to share a healthy breakfast with my daughter. Let's be real. Both of her parents are, er, big boned, so her chances of having her own struggle with weight is real. I don't want her to have a fear of appearance issues or anything like that. We don't talk about that (she isn't even two yet. No need to introduce body and self image issues!). I just want to instill good healthy habits into her life now.
So I sit here today. Post tuna sandwich lunch (yes, I had one again today...) and just feel at peace. I have a long road ahead, but I have a strong start. Weight Watchers has a part of their online tools called "Connect" which is like Facebook but only for Weight Watcher members. I posted the pictures I posted here on my blog, and explained it was my first day. 4,604 Likes and 433 comments later I feel so buoyed up. I never thought that many people would take an interest in my success and encourage me. It makes me sad that Facebook can't be more like that. Imagine if you log into Facebook and all you saw was positivism and encouragement. Let's just say logging in and seeing all that love renews my faith in humanity again.
I still have fear in the back of my head about this journey. What if I do what I am supposed to do and still don't lose weight. What if my body has changed since having Johanna and turning 30, so this is even harder than before. But I look at those beautiful hazel-brown eyes of my growing daughter, and I know if not for me, then for her, I have to do this. It should be for me first, but she has a lot to do with it too. It's funny. I am not doing it for Beau. He doesn't need/want me to. He loves me the way I am.
I think that is enough for today. See you later.
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