The best method I have found for getting rid ants is to put down bait and let them swarm and eat it, so they will take the poison back to the ant hill. This is the most counter-intuitive thing to me. Why would I want nasty, dirty ants crawling around for a period of time. I want them dead and gone. My first idea is to spray them, but unfortunately that only gives temporary relief. For a permanent solution I have to go against what feels natural and right.
There are other things in my life that feel completely counter-intuitive. A few Sundays ago I was talking to a woman who knows my husbands brother. She was asking about his family, and we were happily telling her about their two beautiful boys, and there little one on the way. Later in the conversation she asked us how long we had been married, and when we told her, she said I thought you had been married longer than your brother, and you don't have any children? My first instinct was to say "How dare you!" But I realized she didn't realize that she was being rude. No really, she thought she was making polite conversation. It took me a few minutes to decide that although she shouldn't have said what she said, I can choose to be offended or not. There have been many times that I have said something and should have inserted my foot. Maybe she has never experienced infertility, so the idea that it wasn't by choice that we have waited to start our family. Maybe she has loved her role as a wife and mother, and no other woman's role is conceivable to her. Maybe she was totally judging me. Either way, that is not my problem. So what?
I am embarrassed as I relate this next thought. I think that the miracle of life is so amazing. When I see a woman's belly growing (a friend or family member) I have said that it looks like she is getting big. It never occurred to me that a pregnant woman could get offended by this statement. She is growing another life inside of her. I would be so happy and grateful to add pounds to accommodate for a life that I just didn't see the perspective of swollen feet, back aches, stretching skin, etc. If I have ever said anything like that to you I did not mean it in an offensive way. More I am just so happy and excited for you. Your belly is growing and you will soon be bringing a life into the world. This is why I am choosing to not be offended by things that people say. They just may not have a clue.
MyFitnessPal
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
The Things that make me Happy
Over the weekend I worked hard to put my bedroom and living room together. My husband's cousin, Jessica, suggested that I work on unpacking my sleeping area as it is important to have a relaxing place to go to at the end of the day. Such good advice! I spent several hours cleaning dressers, folding clothes, and organizing. As I looked at my room I felt a huge wave of relief sweep over me and I love this room more than I have loved one of our master bedrooms before. (Huge sigh of relief). I still need to put a permanent window treatment, but other than that my room is complete. On Sunday I worked to organize the living room. I am almost there, but not quite. I unpacked all of our movies since I never unpacked them in our last house, and I constantly wished they were easy to look through when I wanted to watch a movie. We have built in bookshelves in our living room, so it made it very convenient to organize my movies in an easily accessible location. It really is the little things sometimes. The records are all unpacked as well. Aahhh, so glad that it is starting to look like we live here!
I have some pictures and chotskies that I need to place. I also want to refinish some furniture. You know, just some small projects :) I also need to figure out the other two bedrooms and how I want to purpose and organize them. Beau says they are the same size, but I think that one is definitely bigger than the other. I guess this is a problem only a tape measure could truly solve!
On Saturday we had a fish fry at Beau's parents house with his oldest brother and his family, his next oldest brother who was visiting for a business trip, and Beau's maternal grandma and grandpa. I made a salad and a dessert in my "new" kitchen for the event. It was wonderful working in my clean and organized kitchen. I will be honest that both of the recipes were very simple, but it was still nice to be able to have room to prepare food. We enjoyed visiting with family, and seeing our cute little nephews. They are growing up so much every time we see them (which is usually about once a month!). It makes me realize how much our other nieces and nephews grow in between visits. I would ask them to stop growing, but since my oldest niece is 16, and seems to not be willing to stop growing, I assume none of the others will comply.
At church yesterday I was asked to sub in the class of seven 4 year-olds. They were energetic and so cute, but man did they make me tired. I asked them if they thought the baptismal font in the church looked like a large bathtub and they said no, and then proceeded to tell me how many bathrooms each of their homes had. When I asked them what immersion was, they told me an emergency. Pretty much the most interesting conversation that I have ever had in regards to baptism. Our ward is really neat because the children in our ward are combined with the Spanish branches children. So we sang hymns in both English and Spanish. What a special experience to feel the spirit as these sweet children sang the words in both languages.
So as I go into my clean room to find an outfit without searching the floor or the laundry baskets, and go into the kitchen and easily prepare a bite to eat, or go into the living room and select a movie, I smile. I look at all I have and realize I am immensely blessed. There is so much to be thankful and grateful for. There are so many things that make me happy.
I have some pictures and chotskies that I need to place. I also want to refinish some furniture. You know, just some small projects :) I also need to figure out the other two bedrooms and how I want to purpose and organize them. Beau says they are the same size, but I think that one is definitely bigger than the other. I guess this is a problem only a tape measure could truly solve!
On Saturday we had a fish fry at Beau's parents house with his oldest brother and his family, his next oldest brother who was visiting for a business trip, and Beau's maternal grandma and grandpa. I made a salad and a dessert in my "new" kitchen for the event. It was wonderful working in my clean and organized kitchen. I will be honest that both of the recipes were very simple, but it was still nice to be able to have room to prepare food. We enjoyed visiting with family, and seeing our cute little nephews. They are growing up so much every time we see them (which is usually about once a month!). It makes me realize how much our other nieces and nephews grow in between visits. I would ask them to stop growing, but since my oldest niece is 16, and seems to not be willing to stop growing, I assume none of the others will comply.
At church yesterday I was asked to sub in the class of seven 4 year-olds. They were energetic and so cute, but man did they make me tired. I asked them if they thought the baptismal font in the church looked like a large bathtub and they said no, and then proceeded to tell me how many bathrooms each of their homes had. When I asked them what immersion was, they told me an emergency. Pretty much the most interesting conversation that I have ever had in regards to baptism. Our ward is really neat because the children in our ward are combined with the Spanish branches children. So we sang hymns in both English and Spanish. What a special experience to feel the spirit as these sweet children sang the words in both languages.
So as I go into my clean room to find an outfit without searching the floor or the laundry baskets, and go into the kitchen and easily prepare a bite to eat, or go into the living room and select a movie, I smile. I look at all I have and realize I am immensely blessed. There is so much to be thankful and grateful for. There are so many things that make me happy.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Checking in
I unpacked and cleaned the kitchen. I am a rockstar. Once the piles of stuff to be put away finally started shrinking I started to feel a lot of the stress and frustration just melt off my shoulders. Now lets be honest, the house still has a long ways to go. But last night I was able to make a meal in a clean kitchen. There is not much more that could make me feel relief at this point. Also, after talking to my mom I discovered a reason that my dishwasher may not have been working. She told me that not all dishwashers have disposals in the bottom. Some have traps that catch the stuff that rinses off the dishes. So I tore it apart and found the traps full of completely unmentionable yuckiness. I am hoping that things are looking up in the dishwasher department of life now. Again, I am a rockstar.
So now I need to decide on my next project. I have three main living areas that still need some attention. These areas are definitely not as crucial as the kitchen, so the order I clean and unpack them is not important. I need to finish the living room. Figure out what we are going to do in our bedroom (I haven't figured out a floor plan yet). I also need to get the bathroom in some type of order that makes sense. We also have the office, but since that room can wait as I have a workspace in the dining room right now, I am just not going to stress out over that room. Then I have a blank canvas in the guest room. I do not have furniture or a plan for that room so I figure that will be one of my favorite rooms to put together.
Yesterday as I was cleaning a quote came into my head.
I was not in a happy frame of mind yesterday. Once I finished the kitchen my whole attitude lightened up. My perspective was fresh and I could face the tasks ahead. I am grateful for my husband who let me vent to him my frustrations and allowed me the space to work it out. I am grateful for a mother that could hear my frustration and still find a way to get through to me.
So now I need to decide on my next project. I have three main living areas that still need some attention. These areas are definitely not as crucial as the kitchen, so the order I clean and unpack them is not important. I need to finish the living room. Figure out what we are going to do in our bedroom (I haven't figured out a floor plan yet). I also need to get the bathroom in some type of order that makes sense. We also have the office, but since that room can wait as I have a workspace in the dining room right now, I am just not going to stress out over that room. Then I have a blank canvas in the guest room. I do not have furniture or a plan for that room so I figure that will be one of my favorite rooms to put together.
Yesterday as I was cleaning a quote came into my head.
I was not in a happy frame of mind yesterday. Once I finished the kitchen my whole attitude lightened up. My perspective was fresh and I could face the tasks ahead. I am grateful for my husband who let me vent to him my frustrations and allowed me the space to work it out. I am grateful for a mother that could hear my frustration and still find a way to get through to me.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Picking my Battles
When I was a little girl I had a love/hate relationship with my little sister. We could play for hours, but one small annoyance and we were fierce and loud. My parents would never tolerate sibling fighting. I would argue that Janelle had done something, it was all her fault. My mom told me to pick my battles. To only worry about the things that actually matter.
Then when I was in middle school I was able to experience life as a fat teenager. Middle school is not easy for the prettiest and most popular, but it was dreadfully brutal for the person who did not fit the mold. I remember begging for my mom to pull me out of school and home school me. I pleaded for three years to not have to face the frustration and bullying that was middle school. My mom told me that she wasn't going to remove me from school. My education was too important, and she felt she could not give me what I needed at home. Once again, I was taught the lesson to pick my battles. I could give up and cry over the immaturity of others and my over sensitive teenage self. When I was an eighth grader it was a few months before promotion, and the group I hung out with was less than kind - but I thought I fit it. My friend in the group told me that the whole group planned to turn on me at the promotion dance and tell me how much they hated me and how stupid I was. I decided if that was the situation I would do what any level headed and rational 13 year old would do. That's right, I changed myself to fit in. I started swearing, and bullying others around me. I changed my hair and dress to better fit in. I hated every minute of it. By the time the promotion dance came I decided that I wasn't going to live that way. I won't change myself to fit in. I think that was the first time in my life that I realized that being myself was more important than fitting in. I picked the wrong battle at first, and when I realized my mistake I jumped ship. I wish I could say that I never made a choice to try and fit in again, but I would be wrong and a liar. Those thoughts are for other posts. I don't tell you this to gain pity. I tell you this because sometimes we need to pick our battles, and if we discover that we chose the wrong one it is okay to pick ourselves up and fix the situation.
So maintaining my weight is not working as well as I hoped. Something is wrong with my scale at home because it shows my weight staying the same, but at the doctors yesterday I noticed an 8 pound increase on the scale. Apparently I am still going about this in the wrong way. So do I give up and stop fighting for myself? Nope. I change my battle plan. My doctor wants me to go see a registered dietitian. The idea of having another person tell me what I can or cannot put in my mouth at first seemed like a bad idea. I could do well on weight watchers, do I really need more info? Well yes I do. It is time to reevaluate and pick the right battles. I should not fight the ideas of healthcare professionals. They know what they are talking about. No I don't take everything without they say on pure faith. I do process, but the things the doctor said makes logical healthy sense.
My house is another battle I am currently facing. I feel overwhelmed by it. I so far have chosen the battle of disconnecting from the problem. If I don't look at the boxes or piles of stuff that needs to be put away, then I won't feel this hopelessness of mice in the walls and ants sneaking in through the back door. I won't notice the seams in the carpet and the staples sticking out of the floor keeping the seams down. I just realized this post is becoming a repeat of last weeks post. So I am going to document what I am going to accomplish today, and tomorrow I will come back and account for it. Baby steps. I pick the battle of making my home livable. I pick the battle to make myself comfortable and happy. I pick the battle to move past disconnection. Today I will finish getting the kitchen unpacked. I will finish the dishes and prepare a meal in the kitchen. I will wash a load of towels. I will overcome my worries that that house is not going to ever feel like home, and I will make it one.
Then when I was in middle school I was able to experience life as a fat teenager. Middle school is not easy for the prettiest and most popular, but it was dreadfully brutal for the person who did not fit the mold. I remember begging for my mom to pull me out of school and home school me. I pleaded for three years to not have to face the frustration and bullying that was middle school. My mom told me that she wasn't going to remove me from school. My education was too important, and she felt she could not give me what I needed at home. Once again, I was taught the lesson to pick my battles. I could give up and cry over the immaturity of others and my over sensitive teenage self. When I was an eighth grader it was a few months before promotion, and the group I hung out with was less than kind - but I thought I fit it. My friend in the group told me that the whole group planned to turn on me at the promotion dance and tell me how much they hated me and how stupid I was. I decided if that was the situation I would do what any level headed and rational 13 year old would do. That's right, I changed myself to fit in. I started swearing, and bullying others around me. I changed my hair and dress to better fit in. I hated every minute of it. By the time the promotion dance came I decided that I wasn't going to live that way. I won't change myself to fit in. I think that was the first time in my life that I realized that being myself was more important than fitting in. I picked the wrong battle at first, and when I realized my mistake I jumped ship. I wish I could say that I never made a choice to try and fit in again, but I would be wrong and a liar. Those thoughts are for other posts. I don't tell you this to gain pity. I tell you this because sometimes we need to pick our battles, and if we discover that we chose the wrong one it is okay to pick ourselves up and fix the situation.
So maintaining my weight is not working as well as I hoped. Something is wrong with my scale at home because it shows my weight staying the same, but at the doctors yesterday I noticed an 8 pound increase on the scale. Apparently I am still going about this in the wrong way. So do I give up and stop fighting for myself? Nope. I change my battle plan. My doctor wants me to go see a registered dietitian. The idea of having another person tell me what I can or cannot put in my mouth at first seemed like a bad idea. I could do well on weight watchers, do I really need more info? Well yes I do. It is time to reevaluate and pick the right battles. I should not fight the ideas of healthcare professionals. They know what they are talking about. No I don't take everything without they say on pure faith. I do process, but the things the doctor said makes logical healthy sense.
My house is another battle I am currently facing. I feel overwhelmed by it. I so far have chosen the battle of disconnecting from the problem. If I don't look at the boxes or piles of stuff that needs to be put away, then I won't feel this hopelessness of mice in the walls and ants sneaking in through the back door. I won't notice the seams in the carpet and the staples sticking out of the floor keeping the seams down. I just realized this post is becoming a repeat of last weeks post. So I am going to document what I am going to accomplish today, and tomorrow I will come back and account for it. Baby steps. I pick the battle of making my home livable. I pick the battle to make myself comfortable and happy. I pick the battle to move past disconnection. Today I will finish getting the kitchen unpacked. I will finish the dishes and prepare a meal in the kitchen. I will wash a load of towels. I will overcome my worries that that house is not going to ever feel like home, and I will make it one.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
It's been too long
I thought it had only been a couple of weeks, but it has been almost a month since my last post. I figure it is time to update everyone on my life and my journey.
A few weeks ago I went to the doctor and was advised to just maintain my weight for a little while. Although my weight loss has been great, she would like to me to maintain what I have accomplished while we look into a few things. So, I got excited. I could add some food back in since the goal was to maintain and not to lose. So I stopped counting points and believed I could figure out how to maintain on my own. Oops! So far I have teetered back and fourth and not really maintained. This is harder than losing weight. Trying to find a balance is much more work! So, I am going back to the basics. I am focusing on whole grains, fruits and veggies, lean protein, and healthy fats. I can maintain. I can do this!
We moved into our new place to us a week and a half ago. I was really excited for all of the updates and fixes they were doing to the house, and they completed their updates. What is nice is that it is a blank canvas, and because our landlords are easy going, I can fix the things and make this place my own. We plan on living here for a while so it will all be worth it. The truth is I am happy we moved here. I am happy I am able to make it mine. I am happy that I can make this place better. I am happy that I get to learn some new tricks along the way. I wish that home projects didn't make Beau anxious, but there are things he does that worry me. After six and a half years married I have learned that we don't have to agree on everything. We just need to agree on the important stuff (which we do)!
We enjoy our new church ward. In the town we live in there is a large community for Senior Living. The majority of this community lies within the boundaries of our ward. So you could say that Beau and I are among the younger crowd in the ward. We are definitely the youngest married couple without children. We like all of the older people though. They are so warm and friendly coming up to us and welcoming us in. Something else that is a perk for Beau is that because there aren't very many kids (in comparison to our last several wards) it is much quieter and far less distracting. It is nice being able to sit down with those we worship with and pick up were we left off from our last ward. I love that about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It doesn't matter where you live, we are all studying the same materials during the year.
So I guess life isn't all that exciting as of late. I will post more as I work to maintain my weight. I am going to be accountable for the struggles I am facing. Not because I have to, but because I can do this. And if I can do this, anyone can!
A few weeks ago I went to the doctor and was advised to just maintain my weight for a little while. Although my weight loss has been great, she would like to me to maintain what I have accomplished while we look into a few things. So, I got excited. I could add some food back in since the goal was to maintain and not to lose. So I stopped counting points and believed I could figure out how to maintain on my own. Oops! So far I have teetered back and fourth and not really maintained. This is harder than losing weight. Trying to find a balance is much more work! So, I am going back to the basics. I am focusing on whole grains, fruits and veggies, lean protein, and healthy fats. I can maintain. I can do this!
We moved into our new place to us a week and a half ago. I was really excited for all of the updates and fixes they were doing to the house, and they completed their updates. What is nice is that it is a blank canvas, and because our landlords are easy going, I can fix the things and make this place my own. We plan on living here for a while so it will all be worth it. The truth is I am happy we moved here. I am happy I am able to make it mine. I am happy that I can make this place better. I am happy that I get to learn some new tricks along the way. I wish that home projects didn't make Beau anxious, but there are things he does that worry me. After six and a half years married I have learned that we don't have to agree on everything. We just need to agree on the important stuff (which we do)!
We enjoy our new church ward. In the town we live in there is a large community for Senior Living. The majority of this community lies within the boundaries of our ward. So you could say that Beau and I are among the younger crowd in the ward. We are definitely the youngest married couple without children. We like all of the older people though. They are so warm and friendly coming up to us and welcoming us in. Something else that is a perk for Beau is that because there aren't very many kids (in comparison to our last several wards) it is much quieter and far less distracting. It is nice being able to sit down with those we worship with and pick up were we left off from our last ward. I love that about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It doesn't matter where you live, we are all studying the same materials during the year.
So I guess life isn't all that exciting as of late. I will post more as I work to maintain my weight. I am going to be accountable for the struggles I am facing. Not because I have to, but because I can do this. And if I can do this, anyone can!
Friday, February 14, 2014
Day of Love
Yesterday I was grocery shopping at Walmart and as I walked past I saw 30 men staring very earnestly at the chocolate boxes trying to decide which one was right for their special someone. I kind of laughed inside. Trying to find Beau a gift he thinks is cool or special can be a real task at times. I try to approach things from his point of view. He always seems appreciative, but I always wonder if I could have done better.
Eating healthy on V-day is tough work. If you go out many restaurants will have special items to celebrate the love of their patrons, the stores are covered with chocolate and candies and goodies. Even the exchanging of valentine cards is often accompanied by a sweet something. I am grateful I am working from home today. I don't know if I could resist all of those sweet treats!
I decided to try a new doctor since my back pain is not improving. I found a doctor that does both acupuncture and chiropractic. He examined my back and did some strength testing. He determined that I have strained my back, and that I am having significant muscle spasms. Finally I know that I am not being a baby, and I am not crazy. I am in fact injured. He said that it will take a little while to get things fixed, but he believes he can help me. Finally someone who spent enough time to look into what I was saying and experiencing!
This week I made it to a total weight loss of 64.6 pounds (which rounds up to 65 pounds on my little ticker above). I am in shock a little bit. I asked Beau if he could believe that was how much I have lost and he told me, "YES! You have worked your butt off!" I guess quite literally I have been working my butt off. It is just funny because these milestones occur and I feel surprised each time that the number is correct. Losing 64.6 pounds has been a long hard journey. Just this last week I was driving home from work and found myself stuck in a huge traffic jam caused by a collision earlier in the day. As I slowly inched my way along the freeway I passed so many food establishments. Each one called me by name. They "wanted" me to come and unload my burden on their tasty offerings. But I continued to drink my water and hope to get home soon. By the time I made it home (2.5 hours later) I really had to go to the bathroom, but I had not cheated.
I was able to go and see the progress that is being made on my house. Things are slowly coming together. They have painted the walls, and torn out the carpet. There is still much to fix, but I was able to get some pictures so I could remember where things are, and what the basic layout is. I am so excited to be able to move in when everything is all cleaned up. I am also very excited for a shorter commute to work. Every day I drive out of Woodburn for Silverton I think, "If we were in the new place, my commute would be over now!" The drive to and from Lake Oswego is tiring. Especially when the traffic is so bad!
I have continued to take things day by day with my eating. I feel inclined to splurge all the time. I find myself having to constantly refocus my plan. I know that once we get into our own place at least life should get a little more normal, right?
Eating healthy on V-day is tough work. If you go out many restaurants will have special items to celebrate the love of their patrons, the stores are covered with chocolate and candies and goodies. Even the exchanging of valentine cards is often accompanied by a sweet something. I am grateful I am working from home today. I don't know if I could resist all of those sweet treats!
I decided to try a new doctor since my back pain is not improving. I found a doctor that does both acupuncture and chiropractic. He examined my back and did some strength testing. He determined that I have strained my back, and that I am having significant muscle spasms. Finally I know that I am not being a baby, and I am not crazy. I am in fact injured. He said that it will take a little while to get things fixed, but he believes he can help me. Finally someone who spent enough time to look into what I was saying and experiencing!
This week I made it to a total weight loss of 64.6 pounds (which rounds up to 65 pounds on my little ticker above). I am in shock a little bit. I asked Beau if he could believe that was how much I have lost and he told me, "YES! You have worked your butt off!" I guess quite literally I have been working my butt off. It is just funny because these milestones occur and I feel surprised each time that the number is correct. Losing 64.6 pounds has been a long hard journey. Just this last week I was driving home from work and found myself stuck in a huge traffic jam caused by a collision earlier in the day. As I slowly inched my way along the freeway I passed so many food establishments. Each one called me by name. They "wanted" me to come and unload my burden on their tasty offerings. But I continued to drink my water and hope to get home soon. By the time I made it home (2.5 hours later) I really had to go to the bathroom, but I had not cheated.
I was able to go and see the progress that is being made on my house. Things are slowly coming together. They have painted the walls, and torn out the carpet. There is still much to fix, but I was able to get some pictures so I could remember where things are, and what the basic layout is. I am so excited to be able to move in when everything is all cleaned up. I am also very excited for a shorter commute to work. Every day I drive out of Woodburn for Silverton I think, "If we were in the new place, my commute would be over now!" The drive to and from Lake Oswego is tiring. Especially when the traffic is so bad!
I have continued to take things day by day with my eating. I feel inclined to splurge all the time. I find myself having to constantly refocus my plan. I know that once we get into our own place at least life should get a little more normal, right?
Monday, February 10, 2014
Perception
When I look in the mirror I see a shrinking me. I feel so accomplished and amazing. Then I look at each lump and bump and think, "Wow girl! You have a long way to go!" But I look in the mirror again and I don't see the fat blob of a person I used to be. I see a woman who is setting goals and reaching them. I see a woman who has fallen down and picked herself back up to keep going. This woman in the mirror is masterpiece full of imperfections that are slowly being refined and overcome. I am beautiful.
I have never been a person who felt especially pretty. I can really only remember one moment in my life that I felt completely beautiful. It was on my wedding day when my husband saw me for the first time in my wedding gown. The look on his face was unmistakable. I knew in that moment that he only had eyes for me. Now I was wearing the most expensive dress I have ever owned, and my hair and make up were done just right, but I was still the same me I am every other day. Why did I feel so beautiful? It was my perspective.
With this thought in mind I would like to share a few thoughts of my own. I was always the fat kid at school. I remember being taunted by the other children for my size. I even remember the first doctors appointment where my mother was told to limit my eating. I was in first or second grade. I didn't know a lot of things, but I knew the doctor told my mom I needed to lose weight. Now I won't say the doctor was in the wrong in helping my mom devise a plan to help me be healthy. Perhaps the approach could have been improved. Maybe I should have not been present for the conversation. Maybe I was too sensitive. I don't believe that was the first time I had been made aware of my size. I am sure I knew, but I do believe that was the first time I thought I had a problem. That was the first time I felt not good enough. So I began my first modified eating plan. All I can remember were half sandwiches at lunch instead of whole. I felt deprived and confused. Everyone else could have a whole sandwich. Why did I have to be different?
I was never incredibly athletic. I could shoot hoops and make baskets. I could hit a ball with a bat, and I could kick the ball in kickball. I jumped a mean rope though! My younger sister was the tall skinny one. I always felt like the expectation was for her to be the athletic one. I wasn't that tall, or lean, so I didn't feel any great expectation. I did enjoy a more sedentary lifestyle, but was always encouraged to play outside. I enjoyed family bike rides, and rode my bike all over to friends homes and school. I guess my perception as a child was that I was the fat kid. The one always picked last for a team, and always considered the weakest link. So I lived up to what I perceived everyone else thought of me.
When my first niece was born I wanted her to never question if she was good enough. I called her princess, and told her she was beautiful. When my second niece was born I saw the need even greater for her. She had someone in her life that called her names and put her down constantly. I tried to always let her know just how special she was. I don't know if that made any impact to either of my beautiful nieces, but I always tried to let them know just how special they are. When my nephews came along I realized they needed the same reassurances. They are talented and energetic young men who have such a love of life. I can see the impact of the negative influence in their lives. These wonderful children don't believe you when you tell them the are wonderful. I bet they don't realize that people can see it in their eyes, but it is there. You are more than what you perceive yourself to be. Do not limit yourselves!
So what is beauty? Is it having a perfect body and perfect skin and hair? Is it having perfectly toned muscles? Or is it something much deeper? I am not beautiful according to those standards. I don't have to feel ugly though. Beauty comes from overcoming obstacles when all hope is lost. Beauty is a smile or a handshake given without malice or judgement. Beauty comes from sharing our talents with those around us whether that means being a good friend or playing the violin for a small audience. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Growing up there was a very kind older man in my church who would come up to the girls in my circle of friends and take the time to shake our hands, look us in the eyes, and call us princess. When I go home and see him, he still takes the time to come up to me and shake my hand and ask how his princess is. That is beautiful.
I guess the greatest reason that I know that being beautiful is so much more than looks comes from my faith.
I know where I come from. I am a daughter of God. With this comes great blessings and great responsibility.
I know that I do not walk alone. I know that I can correct my course and start fresh.
And most importantly the reason I am the woman I am is because...
I have never been a person who felt especially pretty. I can really only remember one moment in my life that I felt completely beautiful. It was on my wedding day when my husband saw me for the first time in my wedding gown. The look on his face was unmistakable. I knew in that moment that he only had eyes for me. Now I was wearing the most expensive dress I have ever owned, and my hair and make up were done just right, but I was still the same me I am every other day. Why did I feel so beautiful? It was my perspective.
With this thought in mind I would like to share a few thoughts of my own. I was always the fat kid at school. I remember being taunted by the other children for my size. I even remember the first doctors appointment where my mother was told to limit my eating. I was in first or second grade. I didn't know a lot of things, but I knew the doctor told my mom I needed to lose weight. Now I won't say the doctor was in the wrong in helping my mom devise a plan to help me be healthy. Perhaps the approach could have been improved. Maybe I should have not been present for the conversation. Maybe I was too sensitive. I don't believe that was the first time I had been made aware of my size. I am sure I knew, but I do believe that was the first time I thought I had a problem. That was the first time I felt not good enough. So I began my first modified eating plan. All I can remember were half sandwiches at lunch instead of whole. I felt deprived and confused. Everyone else could have a whole sandwich. Why did I have to be different?
I was never incredibly athletic. I could shoot hoops and make baskets. I could hit a ball with a bat, and I could kick the ball in kickball. I jumped a mean rope though! My younger sister was the tall skinny one. I always felt like the expectation was for her to be the athletic one. I wasn't that tall, or lean, so I didn't feel any great expectation. I did enjoy a more sedentary lifestyle, but was always encouraged to play outside. I enjoyed family bike rides, and rode my bike all over to friends homes and school. I guess my perception as a child was that I was the fat kid. The one always picked last for a team, and always considered the weakest link. So I lived up to what I perceived everyone else thought of me.
When my first niece was born I wanted her to never question if she was good enough. I called her princess, and told her she was beautiful. When my second niece was born I saw the need even greater for her. She had someone in her life that called her names and put her down constantly. I tried to always let her know just how special she was. I don't know if that made any impact to either of my beautiful nieces, but I always tried to let them know just how special they are. When my nephews came along I realized they needed the same reassurances. They are talented and energetic young men who have such a love of life. I can see the impact of the negative influence in their lives. These wonderful children don't believe you when you tell them the are wonderful. I bet they don't realize that people can see it in their eyes, but it is there. You are more than what you perceive yourself to be. Do not limit yourselves!
So what is beauty? Is it having a perfect body and perfect skin and hair? Is it having perfectly toned muscles? Or is it something much deeper? I am not beautiful according to those standards. I don't have to feel ugly though. Beauty comes from overcoming obstacles when all hope is lost. Beauty is a smile or a handshake given without malice or judgement. Beauty comes from sharing our talents with those around us whether that means being a good friend or playing the violin for a small audience. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Growing up there was a very kind older man in my church who would come up to the girls in my circle of friends and take the time to shake our hands, look us in the eyes, and call us princess. When I go home and see him, he still takes the time to come up to me and shake my hand and ask how his princess is. That is beautiful.
I guess the greatest reason that I know that being beautiful is so much more than looks comes from my faith.
I know where I come from. I am a daughter of God. With this comes great blessings and great responsibility.
I know that I do not walk alone. I know that I can correct my course and start fresh.
And most importantly the reason I am the woman I am is because...
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